In the rarefied arena of classical literature, very little compares to the excitement generated by the discovery of a lost work by the ancient Greek fabulist Aesop. His fable The Cat And The Elephant has been the subject of extensive study by classicists, archeologists and paleo-linguists since its recent discovery.
Herein is the text of Aesop’s lost fable, “The Cat And The Elephant”.
The Cat And The Elephant
by Aesop
Once upon a time there was a fat cat and an even fatter elephant. The cat was known to be an insufferable prankster which alienated all the other animals in the neighborhood. And the elephant was extremely gullible. He would believe anything the cat told him. They were good friends, which made for an interesting duo.
The cat enjoyed playing little harmless tricks on the elephant. For instance, knowing that elephants are terrified of mice, from time to time the cat would catch a frisky mouse and drop it into the elephant’s feed bucket. He would then break into uproarious laughter at the sight of the terribly frightened elephant. That was an extremely mean thing to do of course, but it was really very funny. You have to admit.
Another time, the cat poured olive oil all over the path that leads from the elephant’s house to the watering hole, and got a good chuckle over seeing him slip and fall and slide uncontrollably down the path. Another great prank! How in the world does that cat come up with these? It’s amazing!
And let’s not forget the time the cat blindfolded the elephant and led him off a cliff. Thank goodness elephants bounce! This could have turned out badly otherwise. But the cat got a good laugh seeing the elephant twist and turn in the air every time he bounced back up, so it was certainly well worth the risk. To hear the cat tell of how the elephant’s trunk was swinging wildly… priceless!
But it needs to be said that the cat probably went just a bit too far when he lured the elephant into the Cave of Mystical Experiences. Strange things happen to all who enter this cave. For instance, a cow once wandered deep into the cave and came out a pig! Another time, a horse merely stuck its hoof inside the cave and instantly turned into a stack of firewood. And of course the most insidious transmogrification that also changed the classical world happened to a dog named Plato - a scruffy little mutt that had strayed into the cave for just a few minutes and suddenly was turned into a Labradoodle. That was truly unfortunate.
But such dire mystical experiences were the exception and not the rule. Usually something simple and benign would befall those who entered, like suddenly you would be wearing a sombrero. Or whenever you said the word “house” it came out as “rutabaga”. Silly yet harmless things like that.
The cat approached his friend the elephant one day and said, “I have a gift for you, dear elephant, because you are such a good friend. But I hid it in this cave for safekeeping and now I can’t find it.” Then his smile turned diabolical as his voice took on a menacing tone. “Won’t you go in there and find it for me? It’s your gift after all.”
The elephant looked frightened. “Isn’t that the Cave of Mystical Experiences?” His trunk wagged nervously at the thought of entering the cave.
“Not at all,” said the cat, still with that menacing tone of voice. “This is not the cave that must be feared. This is a good cave. Trust me, for I am your best friend.”
Long story short… the instant the elephant took a step into the cave he turned to stone. He became an inanimate quarter-size granite statue of himself. It was a good likeness, but Wow! NOT what the cat expected. He had hoped for something along the lines of the Sombrero, or even a Top Hat. He would even have been happy with a backwards ball cap. But this was certainly a big shock to the cat.
He seriously considered going home and leaving the elephant where he was, but his conscience kicked in and he knew he had to find the courage to go into the cave to rescue his petrified friend and pull him out to safety. So he took a deep breath and slowly entered the cave. “Don’t worry, elephant!” he cried. “I’ll rescue you and bring you home to my rutabaga.”
Life was never the same for the cat and the elephant. Every day, the cat would sit on the window sill and watch his granite friend. He felt sad that the elephant had to spend all his time as a rigid facsimile of himself, lacking the ability to speak and walk and eat. But to listen to the cat you would think he had nothing to do with it, for he took absolutely no responsibility for this state of affairs. In fact, he even accused the elephant of being too gullible. It was his gullibility, he claimed, that led to this unfortunate condition.
“It’s your own fault, elephant,” admonished the cat. “You’re lucky I was there to rescue you!”
After several days of listening to the cat’s maniacal ranting, anger boiled over in the solidified heart of the elephant, for the hubris displayed by the cat was more than he could bear.
So one day, the elephant, in his turn, summoned all the energy he could to free his trunk from its rocky enclosure. At first, a few cracks and fissures appeared. Then a handful of pebbles fell to the ground, followed by large chunks of rock. When the entire trunk was freed, the elephant began swinging it around aggressively, in wider and wider circles. Then with determination and a perfect aim he knocked the cat right off the window sill and into the garden outside. The elephant might have been gullible, but he certainly was not a chump.
Elephants are not chumps.
So dear readers, as we’ve reached the end of the story, I leave it to you to determine the moral of this story. Pick whichever one you like best:
A bouncing elephant is like a Labradoodle - it’s hard to make sense of it, but it sure is funny.
Never trust a cat if you’re gullible. Or if you’re anything, for that matter. Just never trust a cat.
Don’t take your friends for granite.
(The Cat And The Elephant © 519 bce, by Aesop. All rights reserved)